It’s not easy to be a parent, especially in today’s world — inflation that keeps inflating, a hyper-intense political climate, and the societal pressures to do it all and have it all. There’s a lot of pressure on us to create the next group of tiny humans into well-adjusted adults, and because of that, a lot of us are turning into “intensive parents” or practicing the parenting style of “intensive parenting.” So, what is this latest parenting trend? You might not even know you’re a part of it.
“So I just learned that my parenting style is called ‘intensive parenting’ and it’s the style that probably a lot of parents these days are using,” TikTok user @unsolicitedsarcasm said in her video before giving some examples of what intensive parenting might look like.
“It’s where you are talking to your kids while they’re watching TV shows, so they’re not just staring at the screen. It’s telling kids that they should be proud of themselves instead of telling kids that you’re proud of them. It’s a lot of the things that you are seeing on TikTok and social media and things that are being advised to us by the Miss Rachel’s and the Dr. Becky’s of the world. It’s called intensive parenting.”
She continued, “And it’s wonderful and it makes great humans and it is so beneficial for our kids. But it’s so intensive that the surgeon general just said that parental stress is at an all time high. And we are all in danger of having a universal health crisis because of the levels of parental stress. This is a warning that is typically reserved for cigarettes, AIDS, those kind of things. So, we’re now in a position where we figure out if we continue putting all of ourselves into our children to help them become better humans. Or if we scale it back, keep a few extra years on our lives and just raise assholes. So what do we do?”
She’s not wrong! The Surgeon General’s findings came in a 35-page report, released in late August 2024, that posits parents’ stress as “an urgent public health issue.” It draws on data from the American Psychological Association and other sources to build a case that parents are facing more stress than at perhaps any other time in recent history.
One-third of parents with children under 18 rate their stress level as 8 or higher on a 10-point scale, according to psychological association data. Two-fifths of parents report being “so stressed they feel numb.” Three-fifths say stress makes it hard to focus. Two-thirds are consumed by money problems.
I did not need a study to know for a fact that parenting in 2024 is hard as f**k, but it’s always nice to have some science-backed data!
In her comment section, parents shared their own woes about intensive parenting, including some regrets.
“Not every activity needs be child centered. We’re wayyyyyy too child centered,” one user wrote.
“It’s bc our generation is intensive parenting without being parented in any real way (and are also parenting our own parents). Hopefully our kids will be less stressed than we are when they parent,” another hoped.
“One of the major predictors of a child success is the happiness of their mother. Make sure to take time for you,” another noted.
The OP replied, “Absolutely! I actually love that fact and hope more people/moms realize how much their genuine happiness matters.”
