We teach our kids a lot about how to apologize to others. But do we teach them very much about how to accept an apology when someone else is in the wrong? A lot of parents don’t think much about it, and other people of all ages don’t really know the right way to give and receive apologies in the first place.
Over at the Hanging For More Podcast, hosts and best friends Yasmina Elmerkaoui & Maggie Younan discuss everything that’s on their mind. And in a recent episode, Elmerkaoui explained in perfect clarity and succinctness how she teachers her kids to accept an apology.
“I’ve taught my kids to say, ‘Thank you for apologizing,’ rather than, ‘That’s OK,’ because the behavior isn’t OK,” she says plainly. “The apology is welcomed, so it also draws a line and reminds you, no no no, that isn’t OK.”
You’ve got to love the brilliant simplicity and truth in that. And not only is it a good reminder to your kid that they they don’t accept behavior that’s not okay, it also sends a clear message to the person who messed up.
“It reminds everyone else in their life as well that the apology is welcome, but the behavior isn’t OK and I won’t accept it,” she continues.
She adds that she holds them to this response even when she’s the one who’s made the apology.
“They say the same to me, like, ‘Thank you for apologizing,’” she goes on. “I’ll even pull them up if they say, ‘That’s OK.’ Noah, especially, he’s such a mama’s boy, he’s like, ‘Mom that’s okay, you did nothing wrong.’ And I’m like, “No, I did.”
It can’t be easier. “Thank you for apologizing” both allows you to accept the apology but also hold the other person accountable for their actions. Ta-da!
Down in the comments, viewers added some other great tips about apologizing.
“I have mine say ‘apology accepted,’” one mom wrote. “They can also say, ‘apology not accepted’ if they are still upset.”
“There’s power in saying, ‘I forgive you,’ too when you genuinely do, but absolutely never ‘it’s fine,’” said another wise person.
“I’ve taught mine to say ‘Thank you for saying you’re sorry,’” added another parent. “Bad behavior is NOT okay.”
“We were taught in school ‘i accept your apology but please dont do it again,’” another person wrote.
Especially for girls and women, it can be automatic to say, “It’s OK” in order to make the other person feel better. But that’s something we should fight back against, since it can lead to a pattern of bad behavior. Teaching our kids to respond more thoughtfully can break this cycle.
Watch the full episode of Hanging for More here.
