The student I worked with quietly said, “Dr. Reinking, I think you multiplied wrong.” My shoulders tensed slightly, and my stomach dropped. We had just spent the better part of an hour working through a feeding and fluid plan with a patient’s family. The child had recently undergone open heart surgery. Feeding intolerance is relatively common after surgery and in children with congenital heart disease. Fluid management is also important after heart surgery. Patients who don’t tolerate food in their gut receive intravenous nutrition. Giving too much IV fluid will stress the heart and can also blunt the appetite. Don’t give enough fluid and risk dehydration. It is a delicate balance.
This child had three open heart surgeries over the last five years. This was his final planned surgery. He had been in the hospital longer than expected. He was tired. His parents were exhausted. They all wanted to go home. The student and I sat down to double-check my math. Sure enough, my calculation was wrong. No orders were written, and the miscalculation would have delivered a safe amount of fluid, so there was not nor would there have been physical harm done. But, we had worked hard to include the family in the decision making. I knew how emotionally and physically exhausted they were, and I did not want to upset them. I walked into the room to deliver the news and change the plan.
The father looked me in the eye and said, “So what you are telling me is that you are a Doctor who can’t do math?” The mother covered her mouth to hide a forming grin and said, “Dr. Ben can’t do math?” The patient, a 5-year-old with a raspy voice and cute dimples, raised his hands above his head and gleefully shouted, “Dr. Ben can’t do math!” before bursting into a prolonged belly laugh. It remains one of the best sounds I have ever heard.
They were right. I couldn’t do math. Or, more correctly, I don’t like math. Somehow, miraculously, I wound up in an advanced math class in fourth grade. Sister Cleopha, a stern-faced, habit-wearing, no-nonsense nun, taught the class. Sister Cleopha knew her stuff. She taught the old-fashioned “carry the one” type of math. She used a system called problem, work, check, work. We wrote down the problem, displayed our work, and then checked our work by reversing the problem to arrive back at the original equation. No erasers allowed. It was tedious. I was regularly chastised for having too many eraser marks on the page. Regardless, the process must have worked. Our tiny Catholic school regularly outperformed the local public school on standardized test scores. So, in retrospect, maybe I was good at math. I still didn’t like it.
My math skills had nothing to do with the outcome of the discussion with the patient and his family. This student had the insight to recognize my multiplication error and notice the stress of the situation. I recognized my own tension and that of the family. The family had similar insight. These skills – emotional intelligence – turned a potentially stressful situation into a happy memory.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to perceive and manage one’s and others’ emotions. It involves self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. EI is different from cognitive intelligence (IQ). While IQ measures mental abilities like logic, reasoning, and problem-solving, EI focuses on the emotional and interpersonal aspects of intelligence.
Strong EI is crucial for health care practitioners to provide high-quality, compassionate care. It enables us to better understand and empathize with our patients, communicate effectively, manage stress, and collaborate with colleagues. Studies have shown that higher EI in health care professionals is associated with increased patient satisfaction, improved clinical outcomes, and reduced burnout.
So, how can we develop and enhance our EI? While some aspects of EI may be innate, research suggests that EI skills can be learned and improved over time. Some strategies include:
- Practicing self-reflection and mindfulness to increase self-awareness
- Seeking feedback from others to gain insights into our behaviors and impact
- Engaging in active listening and empathy to strengthen social awareness
- Managing stress through techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or exercise
- Cultivating positive relationships with colleagues and patients through effective communication and conflict resolution
One powerful tool for developing EI is coaching. Working with a trained coach can provide a safe space for self-discovery, goal-setting, and skill-building. Coaches can help us identify our strengths and weaknesses, challenge our assumptions, and provide guidance and accountability as we improve our EI. Many health care organizations now offer coaching programs for their staff, recognizing the value of EI in creating a positive work culture and improving patient care.
As I have progressed in my career, I have worked to improve my EI. I still get stressed and do not always get it right. But the knowledge that I can continue to grow and memories of the times when I got it right, like the belly laugh in the story above – remind me that the effort is worth it. By cultivating our emotional intelligence, we can become better healers, leaders, and human beings. We can create more meaningful connections with our patients and colleagues and find greater fulfillment in our work.
So, I encourage you to embrace the power of emotional intelligence. Let’s strive to understand ourselves and others more deeply, communicate with compassion and clarity, and create a health care system that truly cares for the whole person. It may not always be easy, but the rewards—for ourselves, our patients, and our profession—are immeasurable.
In conclusion, emotional intelligence is a critical skill for physicians and health care professionals. By developing our self-awareness, empathy, and relationship skills, we can improve patient outcomes, reduce burnout, and find greater joy in our work. Whether through coaching, self-reflection, or other strategies, investing in our EI is an investment in our well-being and the well-being of those we serve. As the story of my math mistake illustrates, a little emotional intelligence can turn even the most stressful situations into opportunities for connection, growth, and laughter.
Ben Reinking is a board-certified pediatric cardiologist, medical educator, and certified physician development coach, as well as the owner of The Developing Doctor. He can also be reached on Instagram.
He’s not just any coach—he’s a practicing physician who truly understands the realities of modern medicine. He knows firsthand the internal battles you’re facing, from short-staffing and limited resources to production metrics, constant billing pressures, and the ways your altruism can be taken advantage of. Ben is here to help you reignite the passion that first led you to medicine and provide you with the strategies needed to regain control.
