Kitten and baby photos racking up social media likes and “awww” comments are as close as it gets to a sure thing in an uncertain world. Offline, cats and children of all ages can be fast, lifelong friends. However, like any friendship, it can have ups and downs, and boundaries are important.
“We want cats to feel safe and comfortable in their home,” explains Dr. Mikel Delgado, a cat behavior expert with Rover. “We want them to learn to trust all family members, and we definitely do not want children to get bitten or scratched if we can avoid it. Cat bites especially can be serious and get infected.”
Indeed, cat scratch disease, or Bartonella henselae, most commonly occurs in children under 15, according to the CDC. It can require antibiotics and even hospitalization. It sounds scary, but experts stress there are usually warning signs that a cat is getting agitated ahead of time. Understanding these signs — and the scenarios that cause them — can help parents and little ones in the short and long term.
“It sets children up for success with animals early in life when they have guidance from a caring adult about interacting with household pets,” says Dr. Hannah Hart, a veterinarian at Chewy. “It also teaches your cat that your child is a safe person so that your cat doesn’t feel any unnecessary stress from anyone in the household.”
We asked cat pros to share some common scenarios that go south quickly, cat body language cues to watch out for, and other tips for keeping the peace between your kitty and kid.
Your kid pulls at or sticks fingers in your cat’s no-fly zones.
In all fairness, you likely don’t enjoy having your ears (or earrings) pulled by a little one — though your mileage may vary on facial touching (pretending to eat those deliciously cute baby fingers is kind of fun, right?). It’s a no-go with cats.
“The tail, ears, legs — especially the paws — belly, and mouth are sensitive, vulnerable areas for cats, and younger children especially may not understand this and may tug on or stick their fingers in these areas, provoking some discomfort or fear in the cat,” Hart says. “It can cause them to lash out with claws or teeth.”
The belly sensitivity may be particularly confusing to children who are used to dogs who love a good rub in that area. However, it’s “off-limits” for cats, says Dr. Gabre Denton, a veterinarian at TeachMe.To.
While cats — like humans — have different touch preferences, Hart says there are a few popular places for pets in felines. “Most cats prefer calm, gentle touches from their favorite humans in very particular locations: the top of the head, under the chin, petting down their back, and some at the base of their tail,” Hart says.
Your kid keeps trying to pet a hiding cat.
Hide-and-seek is all fun and games for humans. However, cats hide with a purpose. “When a cat is hiding, it’s either out of fear or because the cat needs time alone to decompress and rest,” explains Hart. “Being disturbed in this safe area can make cats fearful and stressed, which can cause them to scratch or bite.”
Your kid wants to pick up a cat who doesn’t enjoy being held.
Some feline friends have clear boundaries about holding. “The experience of being suddenly grabbed and lifted into the air can make [some cats] feel like a predator has caught them,” Hart says. These feelings trigger an innate, primal instinct to protect themselves, “potentially risking scratches and bites from a frantic kitty trying to escape,” she adds.
Your cat has a toy flying by their face at a rapid speed.
Hart says this one requires some nuance because many kitties adore their wand toys. The caveat? “It can be intimidating for them when the toy is moving around their head too quickly or when the toy is placed too close to their face,” says Hart. “It can feel like they are being attacked, and they may scratch or bite to defend themselves, potentially catching their human playmate in the process.”
Your baby or toddler becomes more mobile.
You may have been pleasantly surprised by how well your cat adjusted to having a newborn in the home. While a child’s first scoots, crawls, and steps may be a long-awaited milestone moment for doting parents, they can be an unexpected and unwelcome surprise to cats (initially). “Young children do not move in a coordinated way like adults do and can be grabby,” cautions Delgado. “This can lead to fear and discomfort in cats.”
Your cat doesn’t like being chased.
“Tag, you’re it!” is a common playground refrain. However, games of tag (and, more generally, chasing) are not it for cats. “Cats, in general, do not like to be chased as a form of play,” Hart says. “They view this in a fearful manner that calls to mind a predator chasing prey. If a cat does not want to play and leaves the room to go to their preferred resting spot, it’s best to prevent children from following them.”
Your cat gets overexcited during petting or play.
Children and cats, especially young ones, naturally enjoy rough-and-tumble play. However, it can get murky. “Even when both child and cat are playing well together, cats can become overstimulated or overexcited during petting and play,” Hart says. “This is commonly referred to as ‘play aggression’ or ‘petting-induced aggression,’ and it can cause cats to scratch or bite the hands, arms, feet, and legs of their human companions.”
Your cat is bored.
Delgado says that, sometimes, understimulation can cause a cat to be riled up during playtime, too: “This often happens when the cat is young and doesn’t get enough exercise and mental stimulation. In this case, anything that moves is fair game for a pounce.” Scheduling some time for play or leaving out puzzle toys can help keep a cat active.
Your cat is sick or in pain.
Maybe your cat was a rare breed who actually enjoyed a belly rub or suddenly started hiding (and getting upset when a child tries to seek). Sudden behavioral changes could be a sign that a trip to the vet is in order. “When cats are hurt or sick, they can be more sensitive to excessive petting, loud noises, or having their personal space invaded,” explains Hart. “This can make an otherwise tolerant cat more likely to scratch or bite when exposed to these stressful situations.”
If you know the cat is sick or in pain, Hart stresses it’s important to let the kitty have more space and to instruct children to go slowly when approaching their fur-sibling.
Your child messes with Kitty’s food or litter.
It’s a common parental quip: You get your kid all these toys for them to try to steal your water bottle. While you may find it slightly annoying but mostly funny, your cat may disagree if the little one has decided their toy box includes their litter box and food dish. “Cats get protective of their food and space; interfering can spark aggression,” Denton says.
How to Manage Cats and Kids
You love your cat and human child dearly and naturally want to keep both physically and mentally safe. Beyond knowing scenarios that can cause strife, experts say there are warning signs and ways you can help alleviate stress.
Learn hints.
Cats often give verbal and body language clues they’re not feeling a situation long before a bite or scratch. Denton says common signs a cat is unhappy or stressed include:
- Hissing
- Growling
- Flattened ears
- Swatting
- Hiding
Additionally, seriously stressed-out cats might start peeing outside of the litter box.
Be a role model.
A young child is picking up on the ways of their first sage teacher: you.
“One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to model gentle, respectful behavior around your cat to your children, especially as they get older, but even starting from the time they can walk and talk and interact with your cat,” Hart emphasizes.
She recommends that you:
- Monitor a child closely as you demonstrate appropriate places to pet the cat.
- Use the correct pressure and duration for petting, including ensuring that you pet with the grain of the fury and not against it.
- Show children how to properly use wands and other interactive toys so your cat can play without the toy being in their face.
- Model how to give your cat space when they are eating, sleeping, or using the litter box.
Go slow.
Remember, it’s a process. “It’s best to have children sit in one spot, speak quietly, and let the cat come to them when the cat is ready for interaction,” Hart says. “You can start with short sessions and lengthen the amount of time your child and cat are interacting as long as everyone seems to be calm and enjoying the experience.”
Note: Hart says it’s important that all sessions are monitored when a child is young.
Give the cat space.
Some cats need space for more than for life essentials like eating, sleeping, and going potty, especially when kids are on the move. “Cats living with mobile children need safe spaces that only they can access,” Delgado says. “Vertical spaces such as cat trees/condos/cat shelving are great for all cats, but for households with cats and kids, they are non-negotiable.”
Sometimes, a room with a baby gate or cat door is ideal to give the cat a completely separate space from the child. And, by the way, even when your child becomes a resident cat whisperer, your cat may benefit from a safe space.
“Sometimes it’s not just your kids but their friends who are also visiting, that can be overwhelming,” says Delgado.
